What is Heaven?
by Noobycakes
Summary: Dumbledore offers the ragtag crew a way out of their hell, but for what reason? How will the Homestuck crew handle being at Hogwarts? Rated M for cursing and later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Their shock couldn't have been greater when the old human approached them, offering them a way out of their hell. Karkat, sick of the clusterfuck they had entwined themselves in, agreed immediately for his ragged group. They would be going to Hogwarts. Sollux had questioned Karkat about if the old man could have some ulterior motives, but the angry troll just responded by saying why should they care. It had to be better than where they were now. The other trolls and humans took his point, and soon they had been transported to the alternate universe, and prepared for wizarding school.

**A/N: Righto, this is pretty much a 'hey, here's how they got to Hogwarts' XP Next chapter will be the start of the story, so please continue ^_^ All characters belong to their respectful owners.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Ampora, Eridan," a wrinkled, strict looking old lady called, reading off a list in her gnarled hands, peering over her glasses. It was something that Professor McGonagall had done every year before, and continues to do so. She glared at the students as they murmured to one another, confused that there were more names to be called. They had already gotten through the first years; this next set of students was to be a surprise.

Eridan walked out, back straight despite the mass gasp of Hogwarts' students. He was around average height, with curved horns sticking up, making him seem taller. He had short black hair with a purple stripe down the middle, and wore thick, black glasses. His ears, the same gray pallor as his skin, were shaped like fins.

"What the?" A certain red headed boy said to his infamous black haired friend.

"What is he, Hermione?" The black haired boy asked a bushy, brown haired girl near him. She was their source knowledge, if they didn't know something, they'd just need to ask her, and she'd tell them.

"I don't know," Hermione said, slightly irritated by her lack of knowing.

While the small exchange had been going on, Eridan had placed the Sorting Hat on his head, and it called out, "Slytherin!"

The Slytherin household's applause started out weak, unsure, and only strengthened when Professor Dumbledore clapped. Eridan quickly took an open spot at the table.

"They must be testing some inter-species school year," Hermione whispered to her cohorts as the Professor called out, "Captor, Sollux!"

Most of the students expected a similar looking being to walk out, but he looked different. Sollux was the same height, and had the same gray skin, but those were the only similarities. He had pure black, short hair, and he had two sets of smaller horns. Fangs jutted out of his mouth, mocking an overbite, and he wore a pair of glasses that resembled 3d glasses.

"Ravenclaw," the Sorting Hat called. The house cheered, ecstatic about the sheer importance of what it meant to have a non-human in your house. Sollux walked down and sat next to a spritely blonde girl who had enthusiastically motioned to the spot next to her.

"Egbert, John," was called next. Confusion and disappointment emanated from the students as a human walked out.

He was slightly smaller than the two who preceded him. His hair was cropped in similar fashion to Sollux, but his skin was the healthy color of a human's. He wore thick, square, dorky glasses, and his smile showed off overly large front teeth.

"Gryffindor," the hat called. The house did its duty and clapped enthusiastically, hiding their slight disappointment at getting just another human. John walked shyly over, and took a spot next to the black haired boy.

"Harley, Jade," was next.

Jade was a sweet looking, Asian girl. She had long black hair, and colored threads tied around her fingers in a manner that made no sense, and wore round, goofy glasses. Hermione figured that John and Jade could be related. Sure enough, Jade was sorted into Gryffindor. She was bubbling with joy as she went over to sit next to John.

"Yes!" John cheered, high fiving her as got to him.

"Lalonde, Rose."

This time, another human girl came out, but she caught the eye of many guys. She had blonde hair cropped into a pixie cut, decorated with a headband. She wore no geeky glasses, nothing to hide her petite, yet strong features. "Ravenclaw," was called for her, and she took a spot across from Sollux.

"Leijon, Nepeta!"

The students' interest skyrocketed once more as another non-human walked out. The first female of the species they had seen yet. She was smaller than the males, and had one set of smaller horns that resembled cat ears; though the blue hood she wore with a cat face sewn into it could have been the cause for the illusion. "Hufflepuff," the hat sorted her, and she sat down giggling.

"Makara, Gamzee!"

This one stole the kids' breath away. He was tall, a head taller than Dumbledore himself. His long horns only made him seem even bigger. His long black hair was messy, and he had a dopey grin on his face, revealing the sharp teeth his kind seemed to have. He had painted his face with clownish white paint, but it didn't make him seem silly, it seemed to make him more intimidating.

As the Sorting Hat took a minute to make up its mind, Hermione noticed that the ones that were a part of his group seemed fidgety, even Nepeta lost her smile.

"Gryffindor," it called finally. The table cheered, glad to finally get something other than a human, and Gamzee squeezed in next to Jade.

"Maryam, Kanaya," was to be sorted next.

Instead of the plain, gray skin, hers shone with a slight light with no source, making her seem sickly. Her short black hair was done in a pixie cut, and she had mismatching horns. One was simple, of medium length, and the other had a hook at the top. "Ravenclaw," was called out in the old voice of the hat. Kanaya's face broke into a smile as she walked over to sit next to Rose, who also smiled for the first time during the sorting.

"Megido, Aradia!"

Aradia was the most different from all thus far. Instead of one of the two species so far, a robot shaped like the non-humans walked out. Metal mimicked long, wavy hair, and had to curled horns. Her eyes glowed red, taking in everything.

"Harry, is that a robot?" The red head asked, his voice nearly squeaking.

"Ya, man. It's a long story, though," Gamzee answered him in a deep, nasally voice.

"Ravenclaw!" Sollux could be heard above the din of the cheers, and Aradia walked over and sat next to him, grabbing his hand.

The red headed boy gave Harry a weirded out face, and Harry returned it, unsure of anything either.

"Nitram, Tavros," Professor McGonagall called the next name. Then, she picked up the hat, and walked down off the step that separated the Great Hall into two parts to meet the wheelchair-bound being.

He was skinny, and his horns were immense and shaped like bulls horns on the sides of his head. His black hair was cut into a Mohawk that hung down to one side. "Uh, thanks," he said in a quiet voice as the teacher placed the hat on his head. She nodded and smiled kindly. "Hufflepuff," was called.

"Yay, Tav!" Nepeta called out, practically jumping from her seat and waving her hands in the air. Tavros wheeled over to edge of the table that his friends were seated closest to after giving the hat back.

"Peixes, Feferi!"

A gorgeous gray skinned girl walked out. She had long, wavy black hair, and her horns were long and straight. She had the fin-ears like Eridan. She wore a circlet that shone brightly, and a pearl necklace, and rings on her fingers. A pair of pink rimmed glasses added a splash of color. "Hufflepuff," was her house.

As she went to sit down, a derisive "Nyeh!" was heard loudly from the Slytherin table. Feferi glared at Eridan until the second she sat down.

"What was that about?" Harry asked his friends, even though he knew they couldn't answer him.

"They don't like each other, bro. Eridan was probably happy that they didn't get stuck in the same motherfuckin' house," Gamzee answered once more.

"Oh," was all Harry could manage on the spot. Hermione's face scowled at Gamzee's word choice, but she said nothing.

"Pyrope, Terezi!"

Terezi walked out, her cane sliding across the floor in front of her. She had medium length, straight black hair, and her blind eyes were covered by a pair of red glasses. Her horns were small compared to the others, and straight. The tips of her sharp teeth could be seen peeking out of her slightly open mouth. Despite her disability, she found the chair quickly, and sat down to be sorted.

"Gryffindor!" The hat called.

"Aw yeah," Gamzee called out. Terezi made her way with ease to the table, and sat down across from him, an eerie grin across her face.

"Serket, Vriska!" Terezi's smile disappeared at the name. This one was pretty, though not as pretty as Feferi, but she was rougher looking. Her long hair was messy, she wore a pair of glasses with one lens blacked out, and one arm was robotic. Her long horns were mismatched. One had a hook at the tip; the other had a crescent shape.

"Slytherin!" Vriska smiled a cruel smile, and walked over to Eridan, sitting next to him.

"Hey," Terezi said in a raspy voice, getting the attention of whoever heard her. "Slytherin is our enemy house, isn't it?"

"Ya, they're all a bunch of slime buckets," Ron answered her.

"Hey now, bro, no need to get nasty," Gamzee said, shaking his head. He didn't get how humans could be so brazen sometimes.

"Whatever, I'm just liking my house placement so much better right now," Terezi's smile came back as she stared in the direction Vriska was sitting.

"Strider, Dave," was called before the conversation could go on. This time, a human boy walked out. He had blonde hair, and wore a pair of aviator glasses. The hat took the longest time deciding before placing him into Hufflepuff, and he sat down next to his friends.

"Don't look so down John, Terezi," Jade said, noting their disappointed looks that Dave wasn't in Gryffindor.

"But he's so much cooler than that," John said.

"That was rude," Hermione butt in. "Hufflepuff's are really very nice people, you know."

"I'm sure they are. It's just, well, you can't know what I mean unless you know Dave," John said apologetically.

"Vantas, Karkat!" A dismal, gray skinned boy walked out. He had the biggest bags underneath his eyes, and walked with a slouch. His horns were not but rounded nubs, barely peeking above his messy black hair. He was quickly sorted into Gryffindor.

Terezi moved over, unceremoniously shoving Hermione in the process, patting the spot next to her enthusiastically.

"Fuck ya, this house or whatever the shit it is keeps getting better," Gamzee commented as Karkat sat next to his Matesprit.

"Oh look, Karkitty's joined us," Jade said sarcastically, eliciting a "Fuck you," from Karkat and a "Jade, you still don't like him?" from John.

The last name was called before it could go any further. "Zahhak, Equius!" A very buff gray skinned non-human came out. He had greasy looking, long hair, and one of his horns was long, at the tip was in a shape that made it look like an arrow, his other horn was broken off half way. His square sunglasses were cracked, and when he flashed a quick smile at Nepeta, there were holes where he was missing teeth. Slytherin was called, and he sat down across from Vriska and Eridan.

"Now that the sorting is done," Professor Dumbledore announced, "Please welcome all of our new students. Now, let's eat!" At the words, a great feast appeared on the tables. A pile of slime pies even appeared in front of Gamzee.

"Fuck ya!" Gamzee exclaimed, grabbing one of his pies and a glass of Faygo.

"How can you eat that shit?" Karkat scowled, eyeing the in front of him, trying to decide what to eat first.

"Because it's motherfucking miracles."

Unable to stand it any longer, Hermione burst out, "You shouldn't be swearing. It's against the rules and very unseemly."

"Against the rules?" Gamzee repeated. "Aw man, I'm so fuckin – er, sorry. Man, this is going to be difficult." He took a bite of his pie. Hermione took his apology.

"Rules? Who gives a fuck about some shitty rules especially ones that are enforced by some shitty snitch, because that's what you are. That's right, I already have you figured out, fuck ass!" Karkat snapped back, shocking her into a fuming silence.

"Hey don't be mean to her," Ron defended her as the tensions rose.

"This smells good," Terezi broke the bad atmosphere. "Let's eat this." She reached for a steaming pot of soup.

Karkat grabbed her hand just before she would have burnt it. "That's a liquid, idiot. Let me get you some," he said, spooning the soup into a bowl and giving it to her. He looked at her. "Wipe that stupid ass grin off your face. You look like a fucking asshole," he demanded, but his words carried no conviction, and his face reddened ever so slightly.

"Thanks, Karkles," Terezi said. Karkat looked as if he was going to retort to her choice of nicknames, but grit his teeth and began stuffing his mouth with a roll.

"The trolls are kind of hard to get used to, but don't worry, they grow on you," John informed Harry, Ron, Hermione and the other people who had been listening in. "Just don't take the things they say personally."

"Fuck you too, John. You seem to forget who fucking helped you," Karkat growled back. John shrugged and smiled a doofy smile.

"Trolls? Is that what they are?" Hermoine asked, bouncing back to her old self at the prospect of gleaning new information.

""Ya," John said.

"What type of troll? They look nothing like the ones we've seen before."

"Umm, Alternian?" John said, looking slightly confused. Then he noticed a pair of twins reaching over to grab one of Gamzee's pies. "I wouldn't eat that if I were you," he said, stopping them in their tracks.

"How come? It looks weird enough to be something we'd sell in our shop," one of them said, still reaching for it.

Gamzee quickly reined it in before he could get any farther, saying, "Man, if you really want to try it, I won't stop you. Whatever makes you motherfucking happy, but I don't know how it'll affect humans."

"We'll find out then," the other twin said, throwing caution to the wind.

"The fuck you won't!" Karkat yelled, too loudly. The entire Great Hall silenced as every head turned to him. "Gamzee is the only fucking one to eat those damnable pies, got it? I'm not going to get fucked over just because a couple of stupid asshole humans wanted to sample it, and get fucking addicted!"

"Mr. Vantas, please try to refrain from cussing," Professor Snape said, his voice echoing. The students' conversations quickly resumed.

"He's right, please just let Gamzee eat his pies," Nepeta called over from her table, looking oddly serious, which still didn't look the part entirely. In fact, it just looked cute.

"Aw shit, thanks guys," Gamzee said, the import of the manner lost on him; he was just happy to have his favorite food all for himself. As he slowly devoured his second pie, a thought occurred to him. "Hey guys, why I get a sense of deja vous. I feel like I did run out of pie one time." All the trolls within hearing range quieted, cringing slightly.

"It was just a fucking bad dream," Karkat said sullenly, staring at the table top.

"You think so?" Gamzee asked, wondering at Karkat's odd behavior. He had expected him to say something along the lines of "About damn time! That shit is frying your brain. Maybe it's a fucking message from the veil".

"Yes," Terezi chimed in. Her smile was still there, but it felt strained now. "Trolls have bad dreams sometimes, right Karkles?" She asked him, referring to the reason why he doesn't sleep often anymore.

"Ya," he responded reluctantly. He hated when she pointed out his weaknesses like that, but they needed to convince Gamzee. If he remembered…

Gamzee stared at them for a moment. "Alright motherfuckers," he agreed with them, and the trolls visibly relaxed. Gamzee caught that, but decided to say nothing, trusting in Karkat.

The troublesome twins also noticed it, and silently wondered what could put them on edge like that. Later, they would start a scheme to find out.

**A/N: Yay! First real chapter is up lol Chapter two will be up shortly ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3

"Stop staring at her," Vriska hissed at Eridan, who had been glowering at a happy Feferi. She was always happy, and he couldn't stand it.

"I can't kelp it. Her glubbing face is just so infuriating," he said.

"Then do something about it, or move on already," she goaded him. "She left you all alone, and when you were about to confess your feelings for her too." She loved rattling people, the way that words could make one troll hate another, pushing them over the edge.

"Shut up! I wwas not," Eridan whined, his peculiar accent showing through. Vriska chuckled at his pathetic denial.

"Is all of your kind this noisy?" A human boy asked her sarcastically. He had dainty features, and his blonde hair was slicked back.

Vriska leaned in closer to him, and he shied back underneath her cruel features. "Most of us, yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Just…don't do it around me," the boy finished off lamely, his response barely above a whisper.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"Quit being 2uch a bitch, Vri2ka," Sollux butted in from his table.

"And how's your robot love coming along? I'm not even sure a dead troll can fill a single quadrant," Vriska rested her chin on her hands, reminiscing.

"You're part robot your2elf, you know?" He glanced at her robotic arm.

"At least I got my revenge for this, unlike you, just letting Eridan kick your ass like that. Did you even try? Didn't Feferi mean anything to you?"

Sollux scowled, his mood darkening as he happened to catch Eridan's beaming face. He wanted to punch it, to have a rematch then and there, but he felt Aradia's hand squeeze his. He took the hint and dropped it, returning his attention back to his table. The past is past, and they'll try to have no repeats here, in this new timeline.

Vriska beamed at her victory, and started to nibble on a piece of chicken.

"You got revenge?" The human boy asked, looking at her with envious eyes. She managed to do something he desperately wants. Maybe she could help him.

"That's right. I blinded her" Vriska pointed to Terezi," and killed her," she then pointed to Aradia.

"Killed? But she's right there," the boy said incredulously.

"That's just a robot Equius built for her soul to inhabit."

The boy took a moment to try and figure out if she was just screwing with him, but the look on her face was completely serious. "And how'd you kill her? And blind the other chick?"

"Troll ways. I doubt humans could understand."

"I wouldn't get so cocky," Aradia spoke up in her deadpan voice. "Don't forget I nearly killed you."

"Only because I let you," Vriska countered. Aradia had attacked her out of nowhere, but Vriska had used it to reach the godtier. It would have gone smoothly if not for Tavros chickening out, but it still worked out in the end. She would still be powerful, if shit hadn't hit the fan, and they had started over.

Aradia turned her head back to those at her table, done with their conversation, having said what she intended to. Vriska should have felt accomplishment, but she only felt unrest. She'd have to watch her back.

"Why would you let yourself get beaten up?" The human boy asked.

"To become stronger."

"That makes no sense," he responded, starting to think that she was just weird. He wanted to dismiss her, to just stop talking to her. She was a freak, but prodding at the back of his mind was the thought that she had accomplished what he could not, revenge.

Vriska just smiled cryptically, and resumed eating.


	4. Chapter 4

"I want the top one!" Nepeta hissed at Feferi, who had tried to claim said bunk for herself. Everything had been going perfectly until this moment.

"I want it too!" Feferi complained.

"You're from the ocean, you should be used to be being below things."

"I'm a Princess, therefore I should be higher up than you."

"I'm a kitty cat, and cat's like being high up." They stared each other down, refusing to be the one to budge.

"Why don't you guys do rock paper scissors, and whoever wins gets it," suggested a Hufflepuff girl who had noticed their plight.

"What's rock paper scissors?" Nepeta asked.

"Really?" The girl asked, shocked. "It's where you make a fist like this," she showed them, "then go 'rock, paper, scissors' and do one of these three movements," she showed them how to make each one, "and whoever wins gets it."

"How do we know who wins?" Feferi asked the question this time.

"I'll let you know," the girl said.

"Sounds good to me," Nepeta smiled, and held her fist out. "Let's do this," she frowned at Feferi, who took up the same postion.

"Ready? Rock, paper, scissors," the girl said. Nepeta put out her index and middle finger, forming scissors. Feferi straightened out her whole hand, flattening it out, paper. "Scissors beats paper, you win," the girl pointed to Nepeta.

"Yes!" She jumped in joy, and quickly threw her bags onto the bunk before Feferi tried to undermine her.

Feferi steamed as she put her stuff on her bottom bunk, and unpacked grumpily.

"I, umm, hope you don't mind, Dave," Tavros said, gently setting his bag onto the lower bunk. It had taken a levitation spell to get Tavros up to Hufflepuff house, and he couldn't wait for Equius to finish his new legs.

"Of course not, man," Dave said coolly.

"Thanks," Tavros smiled at him. He started unpacking his stuff into the top drawer of the dresser, and Dave filled the lower drawers after he was done.

When that was finished, they quickly met the girls in their house's Den, and chatted until they were tired.


	5. Chapter 5

"The top is mine," Eridan said upon seeing their sleeping arrangements. He wasn't going to be lower than a lowblood in any way.

"Yes, highblood," Equius said, a miniscule bead of sweat adorned his brow.

They quickly unpacked without exchanging another word, the followed the humans out into Slytherin's Den to wait for Vriska.

Vriska unpacked her stuff, having decided on the lower bunk. As she was doing so, she asked one of the girls around her, "That Draco Malfoy, what can you tell me about him?"

"Draco? He's from the distinguished, pureblood Malfoy family. They're rich, and don't tolerate mudbloods like a respectful family. They stick the old ways, like it's supposed to be, and Draco is absolutely handsome, he's perfect," she said.

The term 'mudblood' caught Vriska's attention, and she thought of Tavros. "Yes, mudblood's are annoying, aren't they?" She said, getting a feel for the new word. She liked it.

"They are, and I'm glad you see the importance of blood as well. Of course, if you didn't, there's no way you would have been sorted in Slytherin."

"Yes, blood does decide how high up on the eche ladder you are," Vriska said. Finishing her unpacking, she left the room and headed for the Den.

Karkat was floating above the monsters once more. He stared down at them, terrified. They writhed, growled, and reached up for him, swarming over each other. One tentacle reached up, nearly brushing his hanging foot. He panicked. He wanted, no, needed to get away. Go away, go away, GO AWAY! He thought to himself, his eyes shut to the horror below.

He shot up in bed, gasping. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the dark as his breathing slowed, and he silently cursed himself for falling asleep. He laid back down, facing the wall. He wouldn't sleep for weeks now.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here it is! And only a couple weeks late XP Sry about thar yalls, after I finally got better, it was/is finals week so I've been busy with those, but I found some time to write while working on some extra credit for Japanese. Anyways, sorry about the wait, and enjoy!**

"…so suck on a bone bulge, you greasy fuck!" Karkat finished his tirade upon the stoic potions teacher. It had been a week since school started, and Karkat had this run in everytime he had a class with Professor Snape as his teacher.

"That's another ten points from Gryffindor," the Professor said in his characteristically dry tone.

Karkat was about to say some more choice words, but John stopped him with a look, and class resumed. Before they knew it, the bell rang and they were released.

"Hey, stop arguing with Snape. I know he's unfair, but quit getting points taken away, we're in last place for the house cup," Harry said to Karkat as they walked down the hallway.

"You can't fucking boss me around, asshat," was Karkat's response. Harry silently wondered why he still talked to him.

"Karkitty!" Nepeta called out as she ran to catch up with him, Equius in tow.

"Oh, hey Nepeta."

"Everyone's getting together fur the furst time since coming here, come join us!" She said enthusiastically, rolling her r's so they sounded like a slight purr. "That includes your new furrends too!"

"Of course we'll come, I'm your leader after all," Karkat said. "Where's it at?"

"You can just follow us," Nepeta said as she lead the way out of the school, and to a tree on the green lawn, where there was quite a gathering of all their friends.

"Vriska!" John greeted the troll, walking over and sitting beside her. The slightest blue tinge could be seen on her cheeks.

"Hey, John," she greeted back.

"Karkles!" Terezi called to her matesprit, patting the spot next to her. He walked over, and, as he sat down, Terezi licked his cheek. "Missed you," she laughed. Karkat sat in silence, unsure if he should yell at her for the lick, or be happy that he was missed.

Hermione sat down beside Terezi with Harry and Ron beside her. They hadn't interacted much with trolls outside of the Gryffindor house, and she wasn't about to let this chance slip by.

"Hey, Equius," Tavros called out after he saw that the buff troll was settled next to Nepeta, and mini conversations started amongst the group.

"Yes, lowblood?"

"Um, how are my legs coming?"

"I should be finished with them this week."

"Oh, really?" Tavros asked, perking up considerably.

"Yes."

"Eridan, put your wand away!" Feferi's yell could be heard above the chatter of everybody. "I don't know why the glub the headmaster even gave you one."

"Come on, Fef, I wwas just showing it to you. I'm not going to krill anyone," Eridan whined, but did as he was bade.

"You're so stupid, Eridan," Sollux said, his lisp obliterating his s's.

"Can we all not fight and bicker with each other?" Kanaya asked, leaving a silence in her wake. After a moment, there was a murmur of "Fine's" and "Ok's".

"How are you all enjoying Hogwarts?" Hermione hopped on the chance to ask them something.

"Other than that fucking stupid shithead of a teacher, it's alright," Karkat spoke up.

"There's lots of delicious red flavors all over. I love it here," Terezi seconded.

"It's the most waterfull here," Feferi smiled with a giggle. "Although, I do worry about a couple of things, but this time it's sooo different, things can't possibly repeat themselves."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, his curiosity piked.

"Nothing," Karkat said immediately and forcefully, leaving no room for debate.

A small silence ensued until Fred and George walked to them after noticing them. "What's going on?" Asked Fred.

"Doesn't look like much if you ask me. They aren't even talking," said George.

"We don't always need to be talking to enjoy one another's company," Kanaya said matter-of-factly, leaning slightly into Rose to accentuate her point.

The twins just gave each other a look, and shrugged. "Whatever. We'll see you at dinner," Fred said, and they left to do whatever shenanigans came to mind.

The rest of the day had passed uneventfully, and, that night, Karkat was in the Hogwarts lounge staying up all night like usual. But this night, he wasn't awake of his own choosing. He had this nagging feeling that something was about to happen, like an itch that you can't locate. It just stayed there, bugging the shit out of you, and when you think you got it, it jumped somewhere else.


End file.
